A Serious Moment

Hello, bloggers…

I come to you today with a more serious matter. This isn’t my typical post, where I’m supporting RRBC and our awesome authors. No, instead today I’m posting about something personal.

In the recent months, my life has become chaotic. My once ridiculously-happy-for-no-reason attitude has not quite been the same. Why you may ask… people.

Yes, I’m one of those people that actually get affected by others’ thoughts and actions. I’m an emotional person, always have been and I take things to heart. That’s one of the reasons I think I’m always trying to help others. I don’t like to see others hurt or in pain. I like to help whenever and wherever I can. Sometimes, it’s not easy, but I do my best.

Because of this, because of my personality and also the way I was raised, I don’t do well when people are unreasonably mean. I usually only react when the cruelty is geared towards someone else, but I can no longer bite my tongue. I can no longer hold back. I’m at that breaking point, where my closest friends are waiting for me to snap. (When I say snap, I simply mean to break down into a blubbering, crying fool.)

If you know me, you know I’m a good-hearted person. I try to do good to and for others… I work as hard as I can at everything I do, whether it’s my full-time job, my book club or my personal life… I look for the good in people, all people… I help when I can… etc. etc.

Why am I telling you all of this? Don’t worry, there’s a point, which I’m gradually getting to. (Bear with me!)

My job… the one that’s a full-time gig that helps pay my bills… I love my job, love what I do, love who I work with, love my customers… BUT, several months back, I was questioned about some inappropriate things. My integrity was questioned, as was my morality. Now, I don’t want to get into the details, but I will say it involved another associate. Their accusations, of course, were false and had absolutely no ground to stand on. To say I was offended and hurt is to say the least.

Come to find out, a fellow associate started the rumors. Yes, I know this for a fact. I saw the letter this “friend” wrote. Keep in mind that this happened when a new Area Manager took over, which I’m certain was taken advantage of. The rumors were started and the accusations began.

Fast forward a few months… Still same workplace, only now, we’ve lost a few associates. One of which simply walked out on us, no notice. Would you believe that two *upper management* people visited her home to see if she was willing to stay on payroll so she could take over MY position? The one that I still sit in. The one I haven’t mentioned a single word about leaving. I know, shocked me too. 

With all this time that has passed and the changes we’ve gone thru, would you believe that those previous accusations came up just this past week? To a fellow associate, no less, who felt it necessary to defend me. Why is it okay for them to even be put in that position? Allow me to also mention that the aforementioned *rumored* associate is no longer working there. So rumor or not, definitely no ground to stand on, no policies to break. And not a single word to me… But I have a very strong feeling that the same person that started the rumors before, attempted to do it again.

Now, with all of that being said… Is any of this right? Is any of this a decent way of treating people, treating your employees?

Why are some people so bent on making others’ lives so miserable? Am I too good-hearted? Have I fought too long to see the good in people? Why is it, that someone who works so hard at their job and someone who does only enough to get by… why does the latter get more respect? How is this ok?

What’s the point in a rumor, other than to hurt someone? To scar them? To make them feel alienated, unwelcomed and fearful of the next accusation to come?

How does one sleep at night, knowing the pain you’ve caused someone else? Knowing the lies you’ve told? If you want to get ahead, to succeed, you have to work. You have to show that you want to succeed. You shouldn’t run people over, you shouldn’t try to get someone else fired. What purpose does that serve?

I’m still at this same workplace, and I still work my a** off for these people, day in and day out. Because that’s the kind of person I am. Because I will ALWAYS give my all. Because despite what anyone else thinks, I will not purposely make things harder on someone else. There are still those that I work with that I genuinely care about. I will be here for THEM, until a better opportunity comes along.

No, I haven’t confronted anyone about this. And no, I haven’t reported it. That doesn’t mean I won’t, but right now, I’m going to keep my head up. I’m going to continue doing what I do best. I am better than that, I’m better than the rumors, I’m better than my “reputation.”

I’m not sharing this with you because I want sympathy. I don’t want to start some protest, nor do I expect someone to act on my behalf. No, I’m not after any kind of satisfaction or revenge.

I have three reasons for sharing my story with you today:

1. I want to explain why I’ve seemed more off-the-grid, why I’ve been quiet.

2. I have a voice that deserves to be heard. Speaking MY truth allows me to move on, fully and completely. I also miss the old me. I want my happy spirit back!

3. Lastly, I want to make a difference and if there’s a chance I can help someone, then all the more reason… I strive to make a difference each day I am blessed to breathe. We should all strive for that.

Now for you, my readers, my followers, my fellow bloggers… Do not let others create your reputation. Do not let someone show others who you are. That’s YOUR job. Be you, your true self. Let others see what you have to offer, let others see how awesome you are!

If you want something, go after it. ALWAYS pursue your dream!! And may God help see you thru it. But, please, do not try and take someone else down to get there. Don’t be that cruel person in someone’s life. Be a positive. In everything you do, to everyone you meet, for everything you want. Do good, be good.

Thanks for listening today.   :)

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17 Comments

  1. Marlena, how sad I feel that someone has inflicted this pain. You are a fine and generous person who has always given her best to Rave Reviews Book Club. I have worked with you and am proud to say so. I think it is good that you got this off your chest. I hope you can get past all this unpleasantness very soon.

  2. Marlena, sometimes we will never understand why people can be so vicious. A lot of it is jealousy which I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Why else would they spend their energy on trying to take you down? Sometimes you can’t fight something that is stacked against you, but these things have a way of shaking out and you are the better for it. If they haven’t fired you, they probably won’t unless they want a lawsuit on their hands. So stay with it, pray over it and don’t let anybody take away your light. You always have us to fall back on.

  3. Hi Mar,
    Sometimes we get hit pretty hard and like Job we don’t know why. You are in such a situation, where you’re damn if you do and damn if you don’t. (Please excuse the Profanity.)
    I have been in hard places like yours before. Living here in Europe, working for an international company and being the only African-American in the company and also being a woman. The first two years were not only difficult but horrible. Here I was in a strange country, Germany, going through a management trainee program in banking with twenty other people and having to learn the German language also. Of course, I was the only foreigner in the banking management program. There were many nights when I did cry myself to sleep. I learned quickly that everyone that smile at me didn’t mean well with me. Yet, when I look back on that time, I see that a process began in me that has helped me to stay the course and overcome the difficulties.I learned that obstacles are there to be overcome. I learned that I was stronger than I thought I was and I learned that I was not alone. That someone much greater than I had control over my life and would not let me fall, and that was God.

    So, I am saying to you, you can do it. Right now, you are in the process of developing Mental Toughness. One of my most favorite quotes comes from my one of the knights that sit around my invisible roundtable. These knights are people who I admire because they lived and realized their dreams, and they reached out to help others achieve their dreams while they lived, and in many ways, they are still helping people. Vincent Lombardi is one of my knights. I will never forget the first time I heard him speak. His speech helped me realize that I could overcome any obstacle in my way, if I had Mental Toughness, if I was willing to go the distance, even if it meant going the distance alone. I quote him here:

    “Mental toughness, is many things and rather difficult to explain. Its qualities are sacrifice and self-denial. Also most importantly, it is combined with a perfectly disciplined will that refuses to give in. It’s a state of mind – you could call it character in action.”

    So hang in there. You are being trained for greater things. I don’t know you very well, but I believe from what you have written that you can do it.

    All the best.
    Shalom aleichem,
    Patricia

    • Thank you so much for all your kind words, Patricia. I greatly appreciate you taking the time to leave such a thoughtful comment. I can definitely say God has gotten me through all the hard times. Plus, the support of my family & friends (including my RRBC family) has been amazing. :)

  4. (((hugs Mar tight))) – just to say I hear you and understand how it feels to be alienated in a place you thought was somewhere you wanted to be. Some people are just toxic – don’t try to understand them, ‘cos they’re not worth your time. You’re doing the right thing by not descending to their level. I hope your employers can see again what a jewel they have in you, and that your workplace can again become one of your happy places :-)

  5. Marlena,

    I am so sorry that you’ve been going through this at your day-job. Life can be so incredibly stressful sometimes, it can really get you down when you go through these kind of things. You’re absolutely right, Mar. You ALWAYS come across as a positive, upbeat person in all the times I’ve dealt with you through the RRBC. You’ve been a big encouragement to me as a new author in the club and for that I’m very grateful.

    Let me try to leave you with a few words of wisdom I’ve learned from the pit of nastiness I’ve dealt with in my life. First of all, people do this kind of thing to someone like yourself who is trusting, hard-working and ethical to build themselves up and drag you down. They don’t feel good enough about themselves, as a person, and they see things in you that they wish they had. It’s jealousy, pure and simple. They want what you’ve got, because what you’ve got going is good.

    So don’t let them drag you down. Instead, pray for them. You’re a Christian and the Good Book says: “Pray for those that persecute you.” You feel persecuted, so pray for them, which is the last thing you want to do, but do it anyway. It will help YOU feel better, about yourself and about them. Put the burden on someone else who is able to handle this. Then walk away and pity them and go on being the wonderful you we all, at RRBC, know and love.

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